Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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