i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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