it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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