I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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