Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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