You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
