I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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