fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize