Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
