I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
