worst night to have a conscience
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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