he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I had to cum in my sink.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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