Where did you get a picture of my penis
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize
