you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Randomize
