I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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