Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize