AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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