he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
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