Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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