I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
