Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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