I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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