I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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