Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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