i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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