I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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