You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
