I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
