i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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