The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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