Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
