Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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