I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
