Everything about him screamed your future.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
