Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
