this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
