I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
