take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
