12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
