this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
