i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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