I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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