i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
