just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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