The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
