I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
