Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
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