I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
