capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
