and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
