So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
