I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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