he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
