he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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