Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
