Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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