Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
