So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
