You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Randomize
