Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
