we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
