I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
