The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
