I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Actions speak louder than pants.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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