Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
